


Realizations in Love

by FandomWriter23



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hell, Idiots in Love, M/M, Souls, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:15:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomWriter23/pseuds/FandomWriter23
Summary: Castiel and Dean both have realizations when it comes to the other.





	1. Castiel's Beautiful Disaster

Cas stared at him- a beautiful disaster. Pain shown in his eyes, but it was some sort of exquisite, happy pain that came with wisdom and years that hadn't even come to pass yet. It was the sort of pain inflicted on people from too much love. Dean loved too much. He loved Cas to the point of pain, to the point of breaking his own  _Goddamn heart_  ever time he looked at that  _Godforsaken angel_  because there wasn't any possible way that Cas could love him just as  _Goddamn much_  because it should be impossible to love anybody as much as he loved Cas.

Dean was wrong, though, because Dean was  _his_  beautiful disaster. Every piece of Dean's soul had been touched by his angel, Cas having pieced the Righteous Man back together after his time in Hell. Castiel had pulled him out of Hell and had to make the repairs. He'd fallen in love with every little bit of Dean that came together to make the man whole. Castiel had no proof, but he suspected that his Father had ordered Castiel to do this task for Him to teach him yet another human emotion he hadn't quite learned to fathom yet- love.

Dean didn't remember this, though. It had been too painful for any human soul to be able to withstand the memories. Dean and Castiel had been as intimate as an Angel could possibly be with a human- on soul level- and Dean had no memory of it. At times there were hints of a memory, as if Dean's soul knew subconsciously why Castiel was imprinted upon it, but it was never all there. Castiel almost wished his beautiful disaster remembered this, if only to ease Dean's pain, but the risk was too great.

He only wished that he and Dean could one day be intimate once more, if only emotionally. However, Dean Winchester was not only a Righteous Man, but a stubborn man, and Dean would face every monster in existence before he ever dared to face his feelings.

Dean Winchester was a beautiful disaster that did not see his own beauty.

He believed himself unworthy, tainted, a monster.

He didn't believe he deserved love.

He didn't think anyone deserved to be saddled with him.

Castiel only wished he could reach out to this beautiful soul and somehow teach it to love itself.

However, that was not something you could teach this stubborn soul.

So the two looked away from each other, words hanging in the air, lost but not forgotten. These   
confessions were left floating around in their heads, weighing their hearts down and filling their chests with a pain most resembling heart burn, but it was only the weight of love left unsaid upon their chests.


	2. He Didn't Know

Dean wasn't sure when he figured it out- if it was when Cas was beating him within an inch of his life in some godforsaken alley to get Dean to  _fight_ , or if it was when Cas was mounting an army to storm Heaven and defeat Metatron- but it was staring him in the face now, just as Hester stared at Dean with hate in her eyes.

Cas fucking  _loved_  him.

Cas loved him more than any human could possibly love him. Castiel had possessed the power of a God and gave it up because Dean needed him to. He defied Heaven and fell from grace  _for Dean._  The closest thing to that had been Sam defying Lucifer for him, fighting fate time and time again, for Dean. But somehow, this was still different than that. Sam had been not only saving Dean, but the world. Cas was defying his whole species, God's design of angels, for Dean. Everyone would call that love, but Dean didn't think it was how Sam loved him. It was different still.

There was something wholly different about how Castiel looked upon him. It was like Dean was his savior, his hope, and his very life.

Dean wondered if Cas knew- if he understood that what compelled him to flip Heaven the bird and commit impiety or whatever was his love for Dean, or if Cas just did it because he wanted to, not needing to put a label on it. Or maybe Castiel's mind just made the conscious decision to believe it was the right thing to do to defy Heaven and kept moving forward with what he declared was his purpose.

Dean wanted to know so suddenly and with such conviction that it almost frightened him with the force of it. He wanted to know the inner workings of the angel's mind, dammit. He needed to know like others' needed to breathe.

He realized, with startling clarity, that if he asked, Castiel would answer him. He'd tell him anything Dean wanted to know because it was Dean. All the times Sam would call with no answer- but all Dean needed to do was say the word and Cas was there- shone in new light. Their profound bond wasn't some abnormal thing- it was love.

Castiel loved him.

And Dean loved Cas.


End file.
